Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery