my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that