Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...

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  (407): i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina... http://tfl.nu/9yjk
  Replies (15) Good night (2878) Bad night (569)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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  (804): it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself. http://tfl.nu/cxw0
  Replies (12) Good night (545) Bad night (3354)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."

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  (763): We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms." http://tfl.nu/x5sd
  Replies (43) Good night (1486) Bad night (7770)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.

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  (727): He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god. http://tfl.nu/zb23
  Replies (22) Good night (994) Bad night (2655)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (30) Good night (8074) Bad night (1035)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

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  (443): Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER. http://tfl.nu/iqvs
  Replies (4) Good night (5046) Bad night (878)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

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  (301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm
  Replies (8) Good night (2258) Bad night (627)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.

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  (757): where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside. http://tfl.nu/wzli
  Replies (6) Good night (2400) Bad night (920)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.

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  (254): We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight. http://tfl.nu/fhx0
  Replies (4) Good night (1621) Bad night (558)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

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  (206): when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other. http://tfl.nu/no1k
  Replies (9) Good night (1740) Bad night (606)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.

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  (306): I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth. http://tfl.nu/zq9c
  Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (447)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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  (907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko
  Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That one probably shouldn't have been in caps

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  (651): WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL (651): That one probably shouldn't have been in caps http://tfl.nu/u950
  Replies (1) Good night (493) Bad night (273)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.

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  (210): Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE. http://tfl.nu/t6ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1070) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.

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  (740): Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too. http://tfl.nu/qmru
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (203)

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