Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.