Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3737) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain. http://tfl.nu/y5sc
  Replies (32) Good night (3974) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge http://tfl.nu/tbkl
  Replies (7) Good night (5484) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways http://tfl.nu/vdwk
  Replies (6) Good night (4162) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy http://tfl.nu/obh2
  Replies (6) Good night (1429) Bad night (3260)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp
  Replies (13) Good night (1334) Bad night (1943)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties. http://tfl.nu/x4bh
  Replies (3) Good night (1410) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up. http://tfl.nu/eawi
  Replies (7) Good night (2953) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful. http://tfl.nu/5n8j
  Replies (7) Good night (1843) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me http://tfl.nu/sbg9
  Replies (3) Good night (843) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/kebr
  Replies (0) Good night (935) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it http://tfl.nu/9328
  Replies (6) Good night (307) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around http://tfl.nu/v7uu
  Replies (5) Good night (697) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog... http://tfl.nu/j2fw
  Replies (4) Good night (194) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours http://tfl.nu/j499
  Replies (8) Good night (226) Bad night (676)

Randomize