You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.