I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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