I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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