Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
