NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have tasted many bathrooms
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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