They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize