Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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