Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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