you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
