you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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