Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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