do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
