Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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