Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
