remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
