you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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