Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So vagazzling was a success
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
