My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
