How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.