There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dating After Heartbreak
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.