her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
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When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.