i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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