she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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