dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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