I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
