found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
