dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
