some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
