You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
