you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
