I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
