Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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