My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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