ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize