I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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