In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am one with the molecules
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
