we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
