There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
