I got chris browned last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
