I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
