Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
