I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
