the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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