If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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