sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
