I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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