I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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