well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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