If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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