david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
