P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
