my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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