The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
