I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
