WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
