I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
