i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
