drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
