Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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