Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
These tits shall not be calmed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
