grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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