i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize