yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
