Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize