Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
