whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
