Dual....:-)
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
