I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did i walk over a car last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
