i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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