I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
