We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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