If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
