Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
